Now 39 years old

 Today I am officially 39 years old. I feel happy and at the same time sad too. Happy because Allah SWT gave me the opportunity to celebrate my birthday.. Sad because I failed to get what I wanted all this time

It also signifies that I am getting older and can already forget the memories of the past. Memories of when I was at University or memories of when I was young.

Despite being 39 years old, I still feel like I’m 17 years old. Probably because of still living with mom, even to buy breakfast or lunch or dinner. I'm still asking money from mom.

People always say that the beginning of a man’s life is to start at the age of 40 years. Is that true? Is my life journey just about to begin?

When it came to my birthday, no one wished me Happy Birthday. Sometimes there is a feeling of sadness because of other people, 

There are only acquaintances who celebrate the Birthdays of other friends. Does that mean I'm a friendless person?

Those my age at the moment are busy taking care of the family, especially the children. Some of them have children who are entering High School. 

At the age of 39, there is already a child entering secondary school. It gives a clear picture to those who are my age and the same as me.

Whatever I'm feeling at the moment. The words of friend of mine drew attention to the fact that god has destined us to be caregivers of aging mothers. My friend added, many out there were successful in life but failed as a child.

I hope God gives me the opportunity to have a wife who is the best for me. My family is a small family, there is only me, my brother and mother. 

I'm afraid of living alone, dying alone. At my age now, I can die anytime.

The question arises, is there a woman who is willing to accept me as a husband ?. I have no job, no property. Only I have a mere illness.

A marriage is not enough just with love. Everything needs money to get on with life.

I don't know what awaits at 39 years old. I'm just planning and praying that everything goes as expected

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