Achievements

 If come across someone who has known me since school days and haven't met for a long time. Surely one of the questions asked is how am I doing right now ?. A simple question, but a very deep because I do not have a real answer to the question.

I understand that at the age of almost 40 years. I should have achieved something in this life, a graduate of the University of Malaya in Media Studies. Still unemployed because of caring for a sick mother, at the same time I also had health problems. Various senses of things in the mind and soul all the time. only I always persuade my heart that Allah SWT knows what is best for me.

When  follow the progress of school or university friends. Almost all of them have been successful in  their careers and happy families. Honestly it makes me ashamed of myself for not being able to show something like what my school or university friends have shared so far on social media.

I have to be sincere that our destinies are different. It's not that I'm not trying to be at a better level, it's just that Allah SWT has set my destiny like this. Not wanting to blame God, just learning to see your own faults all this time. Who is not jealous of seeing other people have beautiful wives as well as adorable children. So successful have their own home as well as desirable by human needs sensible.

This situation, often makes me feel excluded from society. There was a school acquaintance who used to be very naughty. Now has been successful in a career ventured like a soldier for example. Not only that, there are those who have succeeded in becoming entrepreneurs in various types of businesses. Honestly I am very jealous of their success or achievement.

Almost 40 years old, still living with my mother. Not only that, my mother still gives pocket money while others. Definitely put special money for parents in the village. At this point, I rarely think about getting married. Just thinking about my volatile life. What would I do if the mother dies ?. Am I going to spend the rest of my life in a nursing home?.

I’m embarrassed but have to accept that my level of life achievement is only affordable so far at this point. I keep trying even when tired because I don’t want to be underestimated, the fact that human beings only look at someone’s achievements based on their career or the power they possess.

I hope so in the future. My life achievements are better than they are now. No longer belittled by others. Only Allah SWT knows what I feel when I am humiliated by others.

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